03.13.04 : 9:35 pm
I realized last night that I'm so not ready to date again. And talk about a revelation!
I haven't been single longer than a month at a time since I was a teenager. Until this past August - I've been single since then. And all this time somewhere in the back of my mind I was thinking "I'd like to meet a nice guy that will take me out on dates and treat me great and yay for romance."
And I met that guy. And I kind of developed a little crush on him, cause he's charming in a big way. And cute, too. And we went out once. Twice. Three times. He picked me up, paid for dinner, and brought me flowers. He opened doors and was easy to talk to. He was full of compliments and could make me laugh.
And when he held my hand, it was so sweet. We walked around and it almost felt like we were a couple. But I wasn't sure how I felt about that exactly...
And then last night he kissed me... and... I realized then that I wasn't ready for romance. Or dating. Or I dunno. My mind just clicked... and I was like... I'm so much more comfortable right now with having friends. Boyfriends? Exclusive dating? Yeah, that's just not something I need to think about.
I've got to focus on ME. And when I'm in a relationship of a romantic nature, I tend to forget to do that. And I shouldn't be in a relationship I think, until I learn how to balance everything.
So now the only problem is how to "break it" to this guy. Because he truly is great. I'm just not ready to be all lovey dovey with anyone right now... and he's all about the lovey dovey.
Aaaah. Any ideas? I've never had to do this before. Is there any way I can do it where I don't hurt his feelings? Or at least where I won't be remembered as a bitch? Help!