so i'm sitting at the computer weblogin' seinfeld style, when the doorbell rings.

the doorbell is cause for my doggies, especially chocolate (because he's the only one who likes to stay inside during the day), to bark. chocolate likes to bark because he gets happy about meeting new people.

so in the midst of all the barking and excitement i make my way to the door, look through the glass and see a HUGE man standing on the other side. he's decked out in black leather shoes, black slacks, a peach colored silk tank top, a couple gold chains, and lots of muscle. with an earring and shaved head to boot.

i'm thinking to myself, ``who the hell is this enormous man on the other side of my door?`` well, there's only one way to find out, so i open the door... and chocolate runs out to greet new people with hugs like he always does... but the guy can't hear me say ``he's just going to give you a hug`` because he's too busy screaming.

screaming like a little girl at the tops of his lungs. and then i catch the glimmer from a tear rolling down the side of his face. ohmygod. i order chocolate inside right away. the guy stands there, visibly shaken.

``i'm sorry,`` i stammer, not knowing what else to say. i'm torn between feeling really bad for the guy and wanting to laugh.

he collects himself, flexes his muscles by habit, and asks me with a straight face, ``so, what kind of dog is that?``

``uh, he's a chocolate lab and german shorthair pointer mix. he's really friendly. i'm sorry he surprised you like that, he just loves giving people hugs. he's a big teddy-`` i cut myself short, not wanting to make this guy even more embarrassed. i mean, nevermind the fact that chocolate is the least vicious dog in the world. he's the size of one of this guys' arms!

``yeah. he seems real friendly,`` muscle man says. he gathers himself further, doing his best tough guy voice. ``does kahli ----- live here?``

``no,`` i say. ``not anymore. he did live here for a little less than a month about two months back.``

``do you know where he is?``

at this point chocolate peeks his head around my leg and the guy takes a step back.

``he won't hurt you, i promise. want to pet him?``

muscle man looks at me like i just asked him to jump into shark infested waters with his body wrapped in raw steaks.

i suppress the urge to laugh again. this is like something out of a movie. the classic big tough guy afraid of a lovable doggie. i lose myself for a moment trying to picture the scenario, only i replace chocolate with my little chihuahua buster. i double up laughing on the inside.

then i scold myself for being so inconsiderate.

``i have no idea where kahli is,`` i say. ``we haven't heard from him since he left. are you a friend of his?``

``no,`` muscle man says as he moves away from the door even further.

i asked chocolate to sit and stay inside so muscle man wouldn't be so jittery. we continued our conversation and i find out muscle man is a hired hand for some kind of loan shark or something. turns out my former roomie is on the run. he got fired from his job, filed bankruptcy, got his car repo'ed, is supposed to have his bike repo'ed, owes alimony and child support for eight months, and now these guys are after him because he took out some kind of `loan` and skipped town. they tracked him all the way from washington, which is where he lived before he moved in with us. impressive.

muscle man and i mused about how nice kahli is to everyone. yeah, he ticked me off a time or two by being inconsiderate, but overall he was a nice guy. muscle man turned out to be a nice guy too. he had a good tough guy act though, and his voice got deeper and deeper the longer chocolate stayed out of sight. finally i answered all of his questions, he thanked me for my time, got on his harley and speed off.

i came inside, closed the door, and i'm still laughing at the irony of it all. who the hell sends a thug out to collect money, when the dude is scared shitless of dogs?? what if kahli had been here? there's no way in hell you'd be able to convince me that muscle man could have gathered the courage to come charging through the door, past chocolate and the sound of fierce barking from my other dogs, to reach kahli?! no way. *laughs*

i hate to think of what would have happened if it would have been pepper who was at the door with me when i answered it. chances are muscle man would have had a heart attack. and trust me, the last thing i need in my life is a dead loan shark thug on my hands.

any thoughts? (0)����������������