i miss pepper a lot.

even though he spent most of his time in the backyard (by choice), i can feel his absence continually.

for the first time since we've lived in this house, i locked the backdoor at night. it just felt weird not having my big, barky bubba out there to protect me.

i think that's the most eerie thing, actually - the quiet. all of the other dogs have always been fairly quiet. but not pepper. he would howl and bark and cause a ruckus all the time. and i miss that. it's too damn quiet around here.

... i had two new classes today. in each one i had a student ask me how many dogs i have. in both instances, i replied six. immediately after, i realized my error... but it's too awkward to say, ``no, actually i have five. my sixth one had to go to sleep last week.`` instead i just tried to casually say, ``i mean five.``

which made me feel like a jerk. i don't really know why... but it did.

and i nearly lost my cool and clocked someone today when the following exchange took place:

``why the glum face?``

``i was just thinking about pepper...``

``i don't understand why this is effecting you so much, it's just a dog.``

grrrrrrrrrr. i'm so proud of myself for just walking away from that person. goodbye, and don't bother ever trying to talk to me again, thanks.

*sigh*

i know pepper had a good life. i know i'll never forget him. i know he'll continue to protect me. i know the ache will dull. i know it will take some time.

any thoughts? (1)����������������